We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
There's even glitter on my cock...
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