I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
