just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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