Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
