I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Operation Purity has been aborted
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
