she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hippo gnu deer
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
