is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
