Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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