Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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