apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
