It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize