So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
