I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
