Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he just fucked me for my cheese.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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