You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
