dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
