Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it's like iHOP with fire
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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