Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
