Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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