Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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