I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
