When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
