She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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