Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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