i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I CAN MOONWALK!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
