I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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