Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
