I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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