The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize