he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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