Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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