Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
