My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
