Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
