I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
