you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
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You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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