Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
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My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I deserve this hangover.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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