The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
