I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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