As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
