She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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