i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?