im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.