I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.