so that wasnt chicken after all
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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