God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
