he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER