Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
