I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?