I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
