yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
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I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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