Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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