I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
