i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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