I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
