two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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