Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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