remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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