I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You can't motorboat a personality
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
