mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
