i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
