farters have to be the big spoon...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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