i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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