Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
