is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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