So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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