You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
