I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
