he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
