yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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