If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
