Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize