Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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