the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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