i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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