So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
