I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
