he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
