there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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