my phone needs a breathalizer
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
